How India will reach the No. 0 rankings in Test Cricket!!!

These pathetic lads have lost it 4-0 (looks like my proposal count, not even one turned right)..But how can you lose it so badly to people who make games for others to win..how the hell man?how could you do this to me?I am sure that Fletcher would have spoilt your minds, goddamn englishman..It's like US waging a war against Afghanistan, with Osama as the US general..Why why why???if only you had listened to me..

Oki captain cool, now listen to this and we can still win the series 4-0 favoring India..it's highly possible, in fact its the only result possible if you follow this 7-point algorithm..

1. Quickly release a press notice saying India is in favor of the DRS and wants the entire series reviewed..If we lose the toss, quickly call for a DRS..keep repeating step 1, till we win the toss

2. Wall should start also batting from the non-strikers' end so the ball never crosses it reaches Sehwag (making it impossible for him to get a king pair). Wall can be made of India cements to facilitate N Srinivasan's revenues.

3. Dravid should make sure he captivates the entire crowd with his 540 ball 12 runs at the end of the day. A hardcore enthusiast will have the over details as Ball #1 Well Left, Ball #2 Ugly left, Ball #3 Well right...Ball #6 Unintentional edge to a single.

4. After two days of such riveting cricket, we will declare with a huge first innings score of 23. After the english batsmen are ready to play, Dhoni should refuse to bowl unless england agree to declare their first innings at a score of -499.India will enforce the follow-on

5. India should start bowling with its pace spearheads of Harbhajan Singh and MS Dhoni. Spinners like Sreeshanth, RP Singh and Ishant Sharma will bowl one-change. At this moment, a press conference should be held by the ICC that if 8 runs are not scored of every ball, then its a wicket loss (This move is taken to make test cricket more interesting and in the best interest of the game)

6. After seeing the pathetic plight of the English team and their inability to compete with India, Dhoni should magnanimously grant England extra runs and fix the target as India needing to get 100 in the second innings with a caveat that whoever scores the runs/doesn't score the runs, it will be added to Sachin's score.

7. With one ball left to go, and Sachin requiring one run to get to his 100th 100, and with Amit Mishra on strike (runs will be added to Sachin though!!), with the crowd waiting to witness history, both the teams should agree for a draw on the condition that India wins the test match and Sachin gets his 100.

This is test cricket at its very best!!!Crowd goes berserk and unable to control his joy, seeing his teammate make history, Sourav will remove his shorts from the commentary box and wave it over his head..Smiles and congratulations all around for India, having won a hard-fought series 4-0..Anna Hazare should be invited to break his fast and give the presentation trophy (In the time, Dravid bats Anna Hazare can even hold his fast on the ground)..Indian team will be able to walk off with No. 0 rankings and undisputed kings of cricket (Day Zero is better than Day 1 na, Same logic)

Daii Dhoni daii, listen to me da..Call a press conference quickly!!!

This part of my life is called RUNNING :)

People call me a sleazy lazy ass (Ironical as I don't want to move it too) happy to do nothing all day and metaphorically picture me as a pig who loves to waddle in the mud all the time. When the facts are starklingly clear, I decide to keep my mouth shut. Over a period of time, I started glorifying laziness and associated it with this suave, sophisticated, don't-care, smart, intelligent BUT lazy kind-of-attitude. Although, I tried my level best to paint this picture, it turned out to be like one of my 2 year old cousin's painting books. Being an optimist, I told myself "Agreed, the painting sucks, but atleast its colorful", till other people plucked away all colors from me, not to waste it on an useless like me. So there I was - A grand total DUD!!!

Let me start off by skipping and this afternoon sleep and do something productive - New year resolution #354. Let me read newspaper everyday - Resolution # 789. Let me spend an hour everyday meditating - Resolution # rand(). So, with all these resolutions, I was supremely confident my journey from a DUD to a STUD is just a mile drive. Drew on the last powers of strength to skip my afternoon sleep, should I read my newspaper or should I meditate or should I play my guitar or should I study or should I or shouldn't I... Grrr Grr Where to now?? I decided to sleep when the clock struck 12, woke up the next morning to take one final resolution. All Resolution Status - Null and Void.

So, this big total dud in me took to drinking, grew a beard and all things a hero does in our movies when she gets married. It went on for ages, finally when an unfortunate piece of photography managed to capture me (Din't realize till people tagged me on FB). My eyes popped out on the sight unable to believe, took final five shots of tequila and ran away. I didn't want to stop till I reached the flat end of the world and fall off the cliff into a deep abyss. I ran ran and ran till I crashed into my own bed. Life had come a full circle for me!!!

With this coterie of lazy duds, we run in search of the the flat end of the world. We don't want to believe that earth is still flat and not what Copernicus or whoever says it is. So, this eternal search has defined a purpose in my life, the course of the journey teaching me lessons I wouldn't have learnt else in life. As I put on my shoes everyday, I set out to enjoy the journey as I know the end is not the ultimate goal, do my preparatory loosening up groundwork before harping on my mission, set out to appreciate the sometimes moist, sometimes dry pot-hole filled track as the vagaries the external world forces on me on which I have no control over and I set out to run. As my fellow duds join me and goad me on, I do what I can do best - Push Myself, for the adrenaline rush when the once target end line looms larger, when the thud of the shoes on the ground voice over for the sweetest music on earth, when the pearls of hard-earned sweat bathe you and emanates from your body the most authentic perfume I ever put on, and at the end of the 10th lap telling myself that 11th lap was all that I was waiting for and reliving the magic of the 10th lap all over again. As the focus remains only on ending the lap against all odds of physical endurance, and as the mind becomes uncluttered of other niggling worrying things which waver you from the task at hand, I enjoy this orgasmic bliss of my unison with what my mind tells my heart and what they command my body to do. Wish everything in life was so simple!!! So, after I have had enough of this ambrosia, I look up to my fellow duds as if to say Enuf for the day?? A glint in their unsatiated passion says Lets do one more, and as I do my last lap - I just hope we never reach the end of the cliff for selfish reasons of enjoying this pleasure. Running away from life doesn't seem a bad option anymore - didn't Steve Jobs do it? Oye Comrades see you tomorrow, We part off each day - With the never attained satisfaction of giving it all and appreciating yourselves even in defeat.

I am not a STUD, but neither am I a DUD now..Run, Mani Run!!!This part of my life is called RUNNING, This part of my life is called running in pursuit of HAPPYNESS!!!